Obituary for the U.S. Constitution

As America is now in a dead sprint away from constitutional government, I thought it was time to prepare an obituary for the sad day we officially acknowledge the death of the document that Americans revere, even if we no longer understand it and our elected officials no longer obey it.

“U.S. Constitution (affectionately known as “Bundle Of Compromises”) died today in Washington D.C.  She was over 220 years old.  An autopsy report indicated her death was the result of multiple injuries and afflictions sustained during years of neglect and abuse.  Recently, close friends had expressed grave concerns over her rapidly declining condition.  But, caregivers duly appointed by the people of the United States of America, indicated her condition was normal given her age.  Circumstances surrounding her death remain under investigation.

“Born September 17, 1787, “Bundle” was the beloved child of James Madison and Gouverneur Morris.  Yet, most Americans since her birth have adopted her as their own.  She was best known for some of history’s most powerful words, which reflected the ideals of her ancestors that founded a nation.  Bundle served faithfully as her country’s legal cornerstone until her tragic death this week.

“While countless people died defending her honor and authority, she too bore many battles scars.  During her tenure, while she remained steadfast in her principles, Bundle saw much of her authority stolen away, ultimately reducing her to a nostalgic symbol.  In recent years, it had become common practice for elected and appointed officials to salute her with one hand, while circumventing her rightful authority with the other hand.

“Bundle was preceded in death by numerous distinguished statesmen and staunch defenders of liberty.  She is survived by an activist judicial system, a legislative body of power-hungry professional politicians, an executive branch overrun by bureaucrats and an apathetic and poorly informed electorate.

“Private services will be held across the nation for those who wish to mourn her death.  She will lie in state in the National Archives in Washington, D.C. where visitors are invited to pay their respects.  In lieu of flowers, loved ones are asked to send their prayers for the United States of America.”

God bless America,

— CC

© Copyright October 2008, Clancy Cross. All rights reserved.
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